Marriage is fundamentally flawed.

I know this is gonna come off as hypocritical and hindsightish, but I've actually ALWAYS felt this way. I've always found the idea of marriage, 2 becoming one, family, love, togetherness, etc, to be cute and borderline awesome, IN THEORY.

In actuality, excuse me, in PRACTICE, it's absolutely asinine and completely illogical given the fundamental nature of PEOPLE. People are sheep, we're described this way in one of the most holy scribes of text known to man, The Bible. We are followers by nature, that essentially go wherever we are led by whomever happens to be carrying the biggest rod at the time. And with the exception of a few stray, wandering members of the herd, everything usually tends to fall into order. So throughout history society, primarily Christian society, has taught us that morally a lot of stuff is "wrong" to do outside of marriage. Not only are these things wrong and deviant, but that the ultimate goal of life's completion is getting married. Why? Forgive me if I missed that day of Sunday school, but I don't exactly remember anyone ever explaining WHY marriage is so important. From my understanding and personal experience, the only significant things achievable through marriage are LEGAL, not spiritual or moral or fundamental.

My issues with marriage stem from it's direct dismissal of human nature. From our carnal desires, to our inter-personal dealings with one another, to how we care for ourselves.

As single folk, a major driving force is to find a mate. Contrary to conventional Christian teachings, don't confuse this with SOULmate. A person to mate with. Whether that be for the purpose of purely carnal procreation, or to actually reproduce, this is the subconscious force that drives us. This drives us to present ourselves in ways found attractive to the opposite (or sometimes the same) sex. Working out to keep physically fit. Staying fashionably "hip" and of course socially on point as well. Now these are some of the physical things we do. Men are primarily driven to appear financially secure, with physical fitness being a close second. Because women are attracted to security and "feeling safe". Women are primarily driven to appear visually appealing and nurturing, since the nature of the woman is to care for family and a "soft place to land" for her mate.

As single dating folk, typically we never deal with each other as our "real selves", more so as our "representatives". The cordial, hyper-attractive/interesting versions of ourselves that are far more rarely exposed than would seem during the dating period. So, it goes without saying THIS is the BEST 2 people will EVER get along and/or be attracted to one another.

Now, there's a fundamental difference in men and women here that can NOT be ignored. Men are very visual and are not keen on CHANGE. Women LOVE change because women like things NEW and FRESH. There's a reason I bring this up...

In my opinion the greatest irony of men vs women, is the idea of personal CHANGE and EVOLUTION. Men fall in love with the idea that our mates will not significantly change over time. While women, who typically feel that men should accept them for who they are "as is", faults and all, spend most of their time once in a serious relationship trying to "change" or "train" the man they've chosen as a mate. This is ironic because these are CORE fundamental differences in who we are as a species, and without true understanding of these differences, we are doomed to succumb to them.

Now, after having LIGHTLY touched on some of my thoughts on human nature (yes, I know it goes a LOT deeper) here are some of my faults with marriage.

1. Marriage is Monopolizing - In business, there are many reasons monopolies are bad and illegal. One of the primary reasons being its bad for the consumer. With a monopoly there's no incentive for the producer to provide a "better product" or keep customer service top notch. Marriage is the same way in my opinion. With the rules set that you are contractually obligated (stuck) with this same service provider, even when you are completely dissatisfied with their product, you are essentially STUCK with no option to go Sprint vs you're horrid UScellular service.

2. Marriage breeds laziness - When people get comfortable, they chill. "Yeah that's right...they chill" (c) Oran Juice Jones. When this laziness kicks in, the dinners, movies, mini golfing, walks in the park are all replaced by dinner in, on the couch, watching tv, and all around inactivity as a whole. This is compounded by children, sometimes understandably so, but non the less, the issue holds poignant.

3. Marriage promotes delusions of entitlement - Look, you may be married, but you're still a grown ass man/woman. Your wife isnt your slave and your husband isn't your field hand errand boy. It's not your wife or husband's duty to do ANYTHING you're fully capable of doing for yourself. That's just laziness shrouded in the cloak of spousal entitlement.

4. Marriage is the Murderer of Individuality - You pay bills together, you go to family functions often neither of you want to attend together, etc. You get so caught up in living the lives of Mr & Mrs Smith, that you forget about John and Jane. John still wants to go hang with the boys, but feels he needs Jane's permission because she wants "quality time". Jane wants to hang out with her girlfriends, but doesn't because she feels she has ish to do at home, because lets face it, "A woman's job is NEVER done...". When you lose the sense of self, it is ultimately the killer of the RELATIONSHIP. Being married doesn't give anyone the right to disrespect the other's space and time for themselves. As a matter of fact, if both parties embraced each other's right to space, the marriage would thrive because of it. Remember when you were dating and you only saw each other MAYBE twice a week? The feeling of actually MISSING that person? Well, when married you see that motherfucker EVERYDAY, in the worst form they come in. Without time away, be it short, occasional trips with the homies out, or nights with the girls, being separated from one another, if you TRULY love that person will make you appreciate them even more. Plus, maybe more importantly, it will keep you SANE by knocking down a wall or two of your "marriage cubicle".

I could go way further and touch on so much more as I've obviously put much thought into the subject. I'm not trying to make too many difinitive statements or condemn any one side here. Mainly to spark discussion and get US talking more so we can have a better understanding of one another.


R = out.